Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Freaking out (a bit)

Last week's hospital trip really scared me.  It made me realize that this Baby IS coming....and soon!  I've been working through the list of must-do items before Baby arrives, and with the exception of the car seat and crib, we're in pretty decent shape.

As of yesterday, I have 6 weeks left of work.  I said it out loud to a colleague and all of a sudden I could feel panic setting in.  We still don't have a replacement hired, and I have a lot of deadlines to get through before I leave.  I know it's not my burden to bear, and my employer will get along fine without me, blah blah blah, but I take my job and work very seriously, and it still stresses me out.  I'm a bit of a control freak, which I know is contributing to this stress.  I'm not so good at "letting go".

On top of that, people keep telling me how big I'm getting (despite the fact that I've only gained 13 pounds - I'm seriously ready to punch someone) and those who know about what happened last week thing it would be "good" if Baby arrived early.  Seriously?  How is the baby arriving early a good thing?  The longer it stays in, the better chance it has of developing properly so we won't be stuck in a hospital for weeks due to complications.

PLUS....and this is a big plus.....I'm not ready yet!  When you find out you're pregnant, 9 months feels like an eternity.  Any initial anxiety is calmed by the notion that you have "plenty of time" to get used to the idea that your life is going to change forever.  Now that I'm 8 weeks to go (potentially less), it's becoming VERY real.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for Baby to arrive and can't wait to be a parent.  But it's still scary!  I would really like to get through our prenatal classes this time around (they start next week) so we actually have an idea of what to expect and what to do when we leave the hospital.  With Olivia's birth we were flying blind, which was probably better because of the circumstances, but I know this time will be a lot different.  It won't take 2 pushes to get the baby out, and I won't be out for dinner drinking wine the next night like nothing happened.

I know a lot of this is just fear of the unknown, and when I think about it rationally I know I'm being silly.  If those girls on Teen Mom can handle a baby, I know Hubby and I can too.  But then my irrational (and hormonal/sleep deprived) side takes over and the panic sets in and all reason goes out the window.

Boy would I love a glass of wine right now!  But instead, I shall drink water (and leave the wine to Hubby), because wine would only give me heartburn! :)

1 comment:

  1. Sorry its been a while since I last commented - but yay you are so almost there! I know exactly how you feel about freaking out a bit - the last few months really starts winding down so much quicker than you can imagine but guess what? It may not feel like you are 'ready' ready but you really are. Someone once told me that while going to prenatal classes were good prep, the fact that you care enough to go to the prenatal lessons show that you are going to be a great parent :)
    Hang on - it's going to be an experience unlike any other!

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